January 27 at 7:25 PM · Vulnerable share:
In High School I found myself head over heals in love with my boyfriend. This was my first real love. The one I would do anything for. We were like Bonnie and Clyde. He protected me. I was his “ride or die” chick. I would do anything for him. At one point he was almost killed (he loved the fast life) and I found myself being his nurse. It got to a point that I was so consumed with helping him and being by his side, that my life began to fade away. It didn’t matter how much I did for him, he always wanted more of me. I loved the feeling of being wanted and found myself perplexed as to why it was never enough for him.
My next relationship started out similar. This one lasted 6 years. Same thing, I was his “ride or die” chick. He loved the fast life. We would get ourselves in to all kinds of trouble. I was naïve to this way of living on the edge. He taught me the ropes and I felt so cool. So important. I would do anything and everything for him. I was working a full time job, taking care of him, the family and the household. It was never enough, he always wanted more of me. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn’t enough.
I had done so much healing work by this point and thought I was ready for another relationship years later. This time it was different! He had his shit together. He had a great job, we both made great money, he lived on the beach, he had a child so he understood the realms of parenting. He also loved to party and have a good time. He seemed to find a good balance. I loved how he lived the fast life and also had his life in order. Again I was his “ride or die” chick. He was stable and safe. His version of the “fast life” was much more mature and tame in comparison to my previous loves. We would go on adventures and travel together. Once he let his guard down, the flood gates opened. There was so much sh!t he was holding on to. It was ok, I was going to fix him. I would do anything for him. He wanted all of me. Again, I loved the feeling of being needed and wanted.
Once the relationship started to go downhill, I found myself in a very dark place. I stooped down to his level. I was disgusted with myself. How in the hell did I manage to get myself into another one of these “ride or die” relationships? He was so different. He had his sh!t together. Ugh!
Once this mess was finally over, I swore to myself never again! I started to see this ugly “ride or die” thing on damn replay through all my relationships. It was a tough pill to swallow. I finally realized there was something deep within me that needed to be healed.
This began my long journey inward! I swore off men for a long period. CLOSED FOR BUSINESS! Not letting anyone near me. I didn’t trust myself. This lead me to working with Ancient Wisdom. I traveled the world working with Gurus, Shamans, Earth Keepers and Guides. I found many answers. I FINALLY saw why this pattern was on repeat. I also saw other subconscious programs that were on repeat that needed correcting. I feel like for the first time in my life I got a taste of freedom. The healing process finally started.
You better believe your a$$ when my current partner, Jim, came into my life, I was resisting the heck out of him. Nope nope nope... no men... nope still closed for business. He knew this was my truth at the moment and didn’t push me. He gave me space and we walked beside one another as friends for a while. It wasn’t until I was in a deep meditation, I was told I needed to open my heart to him. What? Heck no!! No way!! Never going to happen. And very very very slowly, I started to open the door to my heart. Inch by inch. He didn’t force his way through, he patiently waited. He even knew there was a possibility it would never happen and still stood by me.
This relationship is different.
It’s finally “ROZ OR DIE”.
I choose myself or the relationship dies.
To support others and share this knowledge that I have gained along the way brings me soul much joy. Seeing my Soulmate Clients getting the same “ah ha” moments when we apply this Ancient Wisdom ignites me. Seeing their light bulbs go off and create new patterns and break old cycles makes my heart sing.
I would love to share this wisdom with you. If you are ready to roll up your sleeves and dive deep in a Sacred Safe Container for 90 days with me, please reach out. I would love to support you on this path. Let’s jump on a call to discuss further. Link in the comments below.
I know one thing for sure... healing IS possible. Freedom awaits.